Aug 29, 2010
Love Sick
So I've fallen in love. Or So I think I have.
You know the feeling, your heart starts to jump, you plan your day around your date, when plans are cancelled you sit by the phone and when your date is up, you stay awake at night thinking about it and want so badly to do it again tomorrow.
Now I didn't think this was possible. Or maybe I've just had a week that sent me over the deep end, and all I think that could save me was sweating a bit. I never thought I would become this person. The person who craves, desires and fantasizes about the next time I can get a fix….
I am in love with working out.
Ok, a lot of women may want to hurt me for what I am going to say. I used to think PMS was something women made up. I thought it was a poor excuse for women to act out in any way they felt needed. It's because I never experienced the mental torture, snappy attitude or flat out rudeness before. Nor did I think that I could belong in a white room with padded walls only to be 'relieved' once I figure out what the heck was going on.
Well this week I was a wild beast, short tempered and feisty… not only would you have not enjoyed being in my presence you may have wanted to avoid receiving texts from me. I was screaming to get out of my house, my life and my body and all I wanted to do was burn some calories. Except, by some terrible twist of fate I just couldn't make it to a class. Monday I woke up to attend the boot camp at my local community centre, waiting eagerly to pay for my drop in, the lady at the counter informed me that the session was cancelled. Now instead of going with my gut and wanting to poke her eyes out (remember this is the PMS talking) I asked her kindly if there was something else happening at 6am. She directed me to my first spin class. After one hour of pumping up and down hills, racing, standing and sweating I was happy that my early rise got my heart fluttering. Although I left feeling refreshed and energized, I knew my days of insanity were not over and my mind and body were already begging for more. I changed it up a bit and decided a run was needed.
Inspiration came to me while running… I need therapy. But the funny thing is, I am my own therapist, exercising and writing is the way I liberate. My mind was releasing the tension and my body gave way. The run finished off a truly frustrating week for me. The weekend gave way to laughs, admirations in my family and time spent enjoying my surroundings instead of wanting to escape them.
I am in love with exercising and the highs I get when feeling my worst. I love that it enables me to see a different perspective and along with many things in my life, it gives me one more thing to look forward to everyday.
Final Contest Post
I’ve been trying to think long and hard if there is one way I can explain that this experience has changed me. There is simply too much to sum up in one post…. you have joined me in the past few months and you have seen me change. You have read how each week I have come to a new awakening, and you have encouraged me along the way. After rereading the first few weeks of my adventure I relived feelings of struggle, strength and laughter. With each week of physical exertion I also had to strive to find a topic and the time to write. I believe that this was the hardest part of my journey. I had to be aware of my surroundings, my feelings, my family and I had to take that and portray it on paper. Maybe I shouldn’t say this was hard, as it was the biggest change in me.
With help from my family I had the ability to schedule in an extra work out, run or class. But who was going to schedule time for me to just sit and think… no one. Did I have the extra time to just sit and ponder… well, a little, during my 3pm coffee break.(Have I told you how important those are to me?) Running gave me the time to clear my head a review my thoughts, which was normally the way I ended the week. Writing was my way of releasing these thoughts and really not knowing who was on the other end other than me. People would make comments on my writing often mentioning things that I didn’t feel were inspiring or funny. Yet somehow it stuck in their head… and maybe I made I difference. (Even if it were to make them giggle)
Out of all the prizes I have won, and the physical changes I have made, what I am most thankful for is the time that people have given up for me. The time that Tina and Eileen set aside so that they could share the wealth of information that was just waiting to burst out with excitement. Hours upon hours on the phone with girlfriends letting me chat their ears off with disappointment, happiness or mulling over my week and my more than fabulous visit to the Willow Stream Spa.
Many friends and family who took the time to encourage me along and the organizers who arranged all this just for me (well it felt like it was all for me, but there was Stephanie and Renee too!) This contest has given me the initiative to look into myself, and my husband and kids sacrificed their time so that I could. You saw what I decided to tell you, my family saw the true me, which was mostly nice (or so I hope so!) but in striving to improve myself I am sure that I was at times a less than perfect mother or wife. As I worked through all my emotions I hope we hurdled together and because I am a stronger woman, we are now a stronger family.
You know, while on vacation at the beginning of this contest my daughter threw a message in a bottle out into the Caribbean Sea. Today it was found washed up on a beach in Alabama. I guess you just don’t know where you will end up or what you can learn until you jump in.
With help from my family I had the ability to schedule in an extra work out, run or class. But who was going to schedule time for me to just sit and think… no one. Did I have the extra time to just sit and ponder… well, a little, during my 3pm coffee break.(Have I told you how important those are to me?) Running gave me the time to clear my head a review my thoughts, which was normally the way I ended the week. Writing was my way of releasing these thoughts and really not knowing who was on the other end other than me. People would make comments on my writing often mentioning things that I didn’t feel were inspiring or funny. Yet somehow it stuck in their head… and maybe I made I difference. (Even if it were to make them giggle)
Out of all the prizes I have won, and the physical changes I have made, what I am most thankful for is the time that people have given up for me. The time that Tina and Eileen set aside so that they could share the wealth of information that was just waiting to burst out with excitement. Hours upon hours on the phone with girlfriends letting me chat their ears off with disappointment, happiness or mulling over my week and my more than fabulous visit to the Willow Stream Spa.
Many friends and family who took the time to encourage me along and the organizers who arranged all this just for me (well it felt like it was all for me, but there was Stephanie and Renee too!) This contest has given me the initiative to look into myself, and my husband and kids sacrificed their time so that I could. You saw what I decided to tell you, my family saw the true me, which was mostly nice (or so I hope so!) but in striving to improve myself I am sure that I was at times a less than perfect mother or wife. As I worked through all my emotions I hope we hurdled together and because I am a stronger woman, we are now a stronger family.
 |
| Message in a Bottle |
Week 20 Wear Else?
Every Tuesday C has dance class and I never give my input on what she should wear. Some days its an old flower girl dress, or its green pants, with 2 sweaters, pink socks, a huge flower pin and a sewn crown, other times its her dance leotard. I let her decide what will be the best attire to make her feel creative for that hour. Often we run errands after class, and she is still skipping around on her toes. Wouldn’t it be great if we could all feel like this, wearing what we choose, without the fear of judgment from other’s comments.
I like to dress up too, but it seems lately that my life really doesn’t call for many Gala events or afternoon sailing trips on the Mediterranean coast. Trust me, I would love to dress like that, but it’s not realistic… so I’ve got to try looking my best in a pair of jeans and flats. My Stylist Eileen at Wear Else taught me that it won’t take much to improve on my existing wardrobe. As you could tell from my week 18, I was a little nervous that Eileen was going to tear through my closet and inspect every stain, tear and stretched out piece of clothing and tell me to toss it… turns out she only suggest 2 things to give away, which were things I haven’t worn for a long time anyway. My non designer clothes were neatly laid out on the bed and she paired my items with others I would have never tried before. (BTW, she didn’t even attempt to pry open my underwear drawer!) I can’t believe her level of professionalism and non judgmental approach to reviewing my wardrobe and after she left I felt proud that I wasn’t that far off track.
Now even shopping with girlfriends doesn’t compare to the experience I had at Wear Else in Oakridge Mall. Girlfriends will give their opinion to what you have chosen to try on… but would a girlfriend reserve you a change room, pick out a wardrobe selection, offer you water, and then show you around the store? uummm, nope. Eileen’s 19 years with the company changed my views on what a Stylist really does. She is a wealth of information yet she is so approachable and so excited to help. We had fun, I learned so much about her job, her influences on what is going to be in store for the next season and even got to meet one of her regular clients. I also learned that anyone can have this experience… if you are looking for a new wardrobe, or just a new skirt you can call any of the stores to make a complimentary appointment. After figuring out what you are looking for (along with sizes, favorite colours or looks) the stylist will preshop and pull items for you so you are ready to try on clothes when you arrive!
After trying on so many clothes, and wanting most of them, we narrowed it down to a few items(Was it the Rich and Skinny Jeans, the Matiko flats or 1 of the 2 Michael Kors Jackets?) My Mom then walked in with my 2 kids, to which Eileen’s client turned to me is slight amazement. The look on her face was asking if those 2 little people were mine and I nodded. Wow! The final day of this contest and here was someone complimenting me on my ‘young’ body and style! Wasn’t this what the contest was all about? Trying to feel stylish, refreshed and toned. I giggled, because for that moment I felt proud that someone mistook me for having a pre baby body. Up until today I have used a marker of 2003 as being my fittest and feeling the best about my body. Now that my spirit and body(and fashion sense!) have surpassed that marker, and the fact that I have a husband and 2 kids, makes me appreciate my hard work so much more.
As I walked out of Wear Else I felt I had an extra skip in my step, a new sense of style… oh, and a new Michael Kors Trench! Thanks so much Eileen!
I like to dress up too, but it seems lately that my life really doesn’t call for many Gala events or afternoon sailing trips on the Mediterranean coast. Trust me, I would love to dress like that, but it’s not realistic… so I’ve got to try looking my best in a pair of jeans and flats. My Stylist Eileen at Wear Else taught me that it won’t take much to improve on my existing wardrobe. As you could tell from my week 18, I was a little nervous that Eileen was going to tear through my closet and inspect every stain, tear and stretched out piece of clothing and tell me to toss it… turns out she only suggest 2 things to give away, which were things I haven’t worn for a long time anyway. My non designer clothes were neatly laid out on the bed and she paired my items with others I would have never tried before. (BTW, she didn’t even attempt to pry open my underwear drawer!) I can’t believe her level of professionalism and non judgmental approach to reviewing my wardrobe and after she left I felt proud that I wasn’t that far off track.
Now even shopping with girlfriends doesn’t compare to the experience I had at Wear Else in Oakridge Mall. Girlfriends will give their opinion to what you have chosen to try on… but would a girlfriend reserve you a change room, pick out a wardrobe selection, offer you water, and then show you around the store? uummm, nope. Eileen’s 19 years with the company changed my views on what a Stylist really does. She is a wealth of information yet she is so approachable and so excited to help. We had fun, I learned so much about her job, her influences on what is going to be in store for the next season and even got to meet one of her regular clients. I also learned that anyone can have this experience… if you are looking for a new wardrobe, or just a new skirt you can call any of the stores to make a complimentary appointment. After figuring out what you are looking for (along with sizes, favorite colours or looks) the stylist will preshop and pull items for you so you are ready to try on clothes when you arrive!
After trying on so many clothes, and wanting most of them, we narrowed it down to a few items(Was it the Rich and Skinny Jeans, the Matiko flats or 1 of the 2 Michael Kors Jackets?) My Mom then walked in with my 2 kids, to which Eileen’s client turned to me is slight amazement. The look on her face was asking if those 2 little people were mine and I nodded. Wow! The final day of this contest and here was someone complimenting me on my ‘young’ body and style! Wasn’t this what the contest was all about? Trying to feel stylish, refreshed and toned. I giggled, because for that moment I felt proud that someone mistook me for having a pre baby body. Up until today I have used a marker of 2003 as being my fittest and feeling the best about my body. Now that my spirit and body(and fashion sense!) have surpassed that marker, and the fact that I have a husband and 2 kids, makes me appreciate my hard work so much more.
As I walked out of Wear Else I felt I had an extra skip in my step, a new sense of style… oh, and a new Michael Kors Trench! Thanks so much Eileen!
week 19 Spaaaaah
I opened my eyes to the sun peeking through my bedroom curtains and the sound of birds waking up the day. I made it my birthday goal this year to conquer Grouse Mountain and all of its 2830 steps. As it turns out today was also opening day and the first jaunt up the 853 metres for many unknowing trekkers. (Including my friends) What was I getting myself into? We started our ascent and the first 1/4 of the trip felt like the worst mentally and after I got a bit of grove on, the rest just burned my butt and quads with no emotional turmoil. The fear of looking up kept me focused on my feet and the next step in front of me. After about 1.5 hours I saw a clearing in the trees and I knew what was waiting for me… A spectacular view, victory and a great glass of wine.
But the day was not pausing, my joy continued and I had to make it back down the mountain to get to the Willow Stream Spa at the Fairmont Pacific Rim. I walked in and the sound of the water feature, the candles against the dark teak walls and the open feeling of the reception area instantly calmed my excited body and mind. With this new sense of serenity I walked into the Aromatherapy Experience Shower. It didn’t take me long co-ordinate the 16 jets into an invigorating shower of hot and cold sensations. Surrounded by white marble, streams of water massaged my tired muscles from the back, the sides and from my knees to my shoulders while the rain from the top rinsed away any agenda I may have been keeping. My mind was focused on me and I was relaxed.
In the Ladies Lounge I admired the decor with a cool glass of citrus water before Timea guided me to my treatment room where I was to receive the Pacific Body Buffer. First Timea used B. Kamins Rice Bran Exfoliant to buff away impurities which I rinsed off with another private shower. She then applied the Bio-Maple compound with Jojoba oil. Each application was a body massage, and each application my muscles melted. As her hands glided product over my shoulders, I took deep breaths and I could feel an overwhelming sense of satisfaction as my body sank deeper into the bed. I was caught in a world of indulgence, pleasure and rest. My body felt good, but my heart felt better. When my treatment was over my skin was nourished and glowing, I opened my eyes and stretched as if I had just napped in the warm sun.
I rested by the fire with a cup of tea and nestled into the couch and cushions. I pulled a warm blanket over my legs, hugged my mug and relished in my surroundings. I do get my 3 o’clock coffee every day, but this was different. I didn’t have a ‘to do’ list running through my mind, I didn’t have one ear open to hear who was making noise, and I could not see a toy on the floor anywhere. I absorbed the sense of relaxation and made my way to the steam room.
I was at the spa for much longer than my appointment, and not once did I get the feeling that I had overstayed my welcome and yet there was so much more for me to try. The 4000 square foot fitness centre is on the same floor and filled with the newest exercise machines. The spa terrace will be open this summer with views of the new convention centre green roof and the coastal mountains as a back drop. I took the elevator up to the 6th floor and I opened the doors to a Caribbean island.(with exception of the cityscape) As I looked around the pool area I noticed friends enjoying a glass of white, giggling and taking shade under one of the many cabanas. Small children were playing in their private terrace with their parents. And other guests were easing their bodies into the luxurious hot tub. This was a perfect day to take a breath, listen to the sounds and enjoy scenery.
I walked away from the hotel with a smile on my face and feeling like everyone noticed my rejuvenation. The Willow Stream Spa is themed with the 4 elements and I cannot believe how much this resonated for me today. The earth below my feet as I hiked that mountain, the wind of the fresh air once I reached the top, the fire that I have inside of me to keep going and the water that completed my spa experience. I am thankful for today and hope that all my emotions will keep me young and refreshed……until next time.
But the day was not pausing, my joy continued and I had to make it back down the mountain to get to the Willow Stream Spa at the Fairmont Pacific Rim. I walked in and the sound of the water feature, the candles against the dark teak walls and the open feeling of the reception area instantly calmed my excited body and mind. With this new sense of serenity I walked into the Aromatherapy Experience Shower. It didn’t take me long co-ordinate the 16 jets into an invigorating shower of hot and cold sensations. Surrounded by white marble, streams of water massaged my tired muscles from the back, the sides and from my knees to my shoulders while the rain from the top rinsed away any agenda I may have been keeping. My mind was focused on me and I was relaxed.
In the Ladies Lounge I admired the decor with a cool glass of citrus water before Timea guided me to my treatment room where I was to receive the Pacific Body Buffer. First Timea used B. Kamins Rice Bran Exfoliant to buff away impurities which I rinsed off with another private shower. She then applied the Bio-Maple compound with Jojoba oil. Each application was a body massage, and each application my muscles melted. As her hands glided product over my shoulders, I took deep breaths and I could feel an overwhelming sense of satisfaction as my body sank deeper into the bed. I was caught in a world of indulgence, pleasure and rest. My body felt good, but my heart felt better. When my treatment was over my skin was nourished and glowing, I opened my eyes and stretched as if I had just napped in the warm sun.
I rested by the fire with a cup of tea and nestled into the couch and cushions. I pulled a warm blanket over my legs, hugged my mug and relished in my surroundings. I do get my 3 o’clock coffee every day, but this was different. I didn’t have a ‘to do’ list running through my mind, I didn’t have one ear open to hear who was making noise, and I could not see a toy on the floor anywhere. I absorbed the sense of relaxation and made my way to the steam room.
I was at the spa for much longer than my appointment, and not once did I get the feeling that I had overstayed my welcome and yet there was so much more for me to try. The 4000 square foot fitness centre is on the same floor and filled with the newest exercise machines. The spa terrace will be open this summer with views of the new convention centre green roof and the coastal mountains as a back drop. I took the elevator up to the 6th floor and I opened the doors to a Caribbean island.(with exception of the cityscape) As I looked around the pool area I noticed friends enjoying a glass of white, giggling and taking shade under one of the many cabanas. Small children were playing in their private terrace with their parents. And other guests were easing their bodies into the luxurious hot tub. This was a perfect day to take a breath, listen to the sounds and enjoy scenery.
I walked away from the hotel with a smile on my face and feeling like everyone noticed my rejuvenation. The Willow Stream Spa is themed with the 4 elements and I cannot believe how much this resonated for me today. The earth below my feet as I hiked that mountain, the wind of the fresh air once I reached the top, the fire that I have inside of me to keep going and the water that completed my spa experience. I am thankful for today and hope that all my emotions will keep me young and refreshed……until next time.
week 18 All Alone
So this Friday instead of my usual Tina Time… I had another work out partner. First I ran for about 25 minutes and then did Tricep dips, step ups and push ups all with a very friendly park bench. I found it difficult and a little strange working out by myself but I did it, and came back home with sweat running down my back.
Something funny happened this week… as C and Y were playing with the Playmobile I noticed C take the wheel axles off the stroller and use them to lift weights. It was more of an upright row than a bicep curl… but she was getting the idea. Some may think the idea of a preschooler make believing she was lifting dumbbells is a bad sign of her future self esteem…. but I just silently watched and within seconds the wheels were back on the pram, and mommy was pushing a baby around. I tell C that it is fun to exercise and that it is important just as food is also important for our growing bodies. I also make a big point of not speaking of my insecurities in front of my kids… so no, I think this was a sign of her imitating Mommy and if Mommy is strong and happy, then she can be too!
And guess where I will be this week??? Wear Else? No really Wear Else! Well actually they will be at my house and in my closet. Wear Else has set me up with my own fashion stylist who will peruse my style and tell me about the good (and maybe not so good) items in my closet. I am hoping they will be easy on me and let me skip the underwear drawer. Professional stylist or not, I know what should be outta there… I think there is a direct correlation between how many activities our kids are enrolled in, how much they cost and how many holes are in a mom’s socks and how stretched out a pair of panties can be. How is it husbands have no problem grabbing a stash off socks and throwing them in the shopping basket and Moms mull over a new pair of panties for minutes before hanging them back on the hanger? But I digress… After all the lovely stylist won’t be able to cut through the duct tape and nails holding that drawer shut. But she will give me a chance to go to their newly redesigned Oakridge location and help me shop for new looks!
So what is it going to be Mommas? A new Trina Turk Abelia Check Trench look, or the Bailey 44 Splash the Pot Top? Or go browse yourself and tell me what you think the stylists at Wear Else are going to suggest for me!
Week 17 Driving me Crazy
I was driving my friend’s son home the other day and I was instantly transported back to my teenage years. He is imagining his future with a driver’s licence and I tried to advise him on a few things. Which turned around and bit me in the butt.
R- What year is your car?
Michelle-1994.
R-oh
Michelle- R, when were you born?
R-199_
Michelle-OMG, this car is older than you!
R-ummm
Michelle- I graduated high school the year you were born. I remember when people said that to me when I was young, and I thought they were very old. R, do you think I’m old?
R- Kinda old
Michelle- great.
So now I’m old in someone’s eyes.(and my car must be REALLY old) I knew that, at least I think I knew that… so why is it striking such a cord with me. I think it’s funny, so why should I take ‘old’ as a negative thing? Why don’t I turn it around as a positive one? I mean, I actually train Capoeira with R and I think that is a feat in itself! I am probably more active now that I’m old than when I was his age!
Speaking of age, my birthday is coming up and this year I have changed my celebratory plans. I’ve wanted to plan an activity for years rather than going out for dinner for my birthday. So this year I have challenged my friends to attempt the Grouse Grind! I am so excited and also a bit scared. I’ve wanted to hike this for a long time, but just never had the courage. So what better time than a birthday to accomplish such a feat?! And after a morning of hard work I intend to take myself to the Willow Stream Spa at the Fairmont Pacific Rim for my Pacific Rim Body Buffer! Hard work followed by blissful relaxation…Ooohhh can’t wait to tell you all about that!
This week also brings my training sessions with Tina to an end. After Tina left I had an urge to eat chocolate, drink wine, snack on chips and eat anything that was in my cupboard. What was this all about? And why had my thoughts all of the sudden changed? I have a new short term fitness goals (I also have thoughts of another long term fitness goal, but I have to build up enough nerve just to say it out loud!) It’s not even summer yet, so all this hard work cant’ go down the drain before the tank tops come out! Well I did nibble on a few nuts and raisins, but by the time I wanted to sit down for a glass of wine, it was too late. So I skipped it. The temptation is there… I guess it’s always there; it’s up to me to distract myself.
I find the best time to distract myself is when I run. This is the time where I get to mull over my week or think about upcoming tasks. I can clear my mind and although I am concentrating on my pace, breathing and distance… I do allot of uninterrupted thinking. I have also come to realize this is when I get most inspired for my blog topics. I try to plan my runs, but most often they are spontaneous breaks where my family is content and I can literally run out the door and be back in 45 minutes.
Unlike me the more it I take it for a run, the more aged my car becomes. Last week while driving my kids home from downtown and I honked at someone to alert them of a pedestrian crossing. Well, my horn got stuck. And for a long 25 minutes home, it randomly honked while cruising the freeway. Now, in case you missed your exercise session this is a great way to work up a sweat and burn some calories. Some people looked at me strangely, some giggled, and some got mad. As I raised both hands to signal that it wasn’t me, I am sure some drivers took my gesture as they were doing something wrong and I was saying WTF!
They obviously didn’t realize that if I have both my hands in the air, they could not possibly be on my horn. Even as I pulled in my street, my horn was gladly announcing my arrival to all my neighbours. I parked and one good punch to my steering wheel and disconnecting the wire stopped the embarrassment continuing any longer.
So this is it, it’s over, I’m on my own. It’s up to me, to challenge myself, to keep on track, keep making goals and be an example to my kids. (And maybe certain teenagers) I’ve got to keep fuelled up, my treads on the road, and instead of replacing my aging package, I just need to restore a few fuses!
R- What year is your car?
Michelle-1994.
R-oh
Michelle- R, when were you born?
R-199_
Michelle-OMG, this car is older than you!
R-ummm
Michelle- I graduated high school the year you were born. I remember when people said that to me when I was young, and I thought they were very old. R, do you think I’m old?
R- Kinda old
Michelle- great.
So now I’m old in someone’s eyes.(and my car must be REALLY old) I knew that, at least I think I knew that… so why is it striking such a cord with me. I think it’s funny, so why should I take ‘old’ as a negative thing? Why don’t I turn it around as a positive one? I mean, I actually train Capoeira with R and I think that is a feat in itself! I am probably more active now that I’m old than when I was his age!
Speaking of age, my birthday is coming up and this year I have changed my celebratory plans. I’ve wanted to plan an activity for years rather than going out for dinner for my birthday. So this year I have challenged my friends to attempt the Grouse Grind! I am so excited and also a bit scared. I’ve wanted to hike this for a long time, but just never had the courage. So what better time than a birthday to accomplish such a feat?! And after a morning of hard work I intend to take myself to the Willow Stream Spa at the Fairmont Pacific Rim for my Pacific Rim Body Buffer! Hard work followed by blissful relaxation…Ooohhh can’t wait to tell you all about that!
This week also brings my training sessions with Tina to an end. After Tina left I had an urge to eat chocolate, drink wine, snack on chips and eat anything that was in my cupboard. What was this all about? And why had my thoughts all of the sudden changed? I have a new short term fitness goals (I also have thoughts of another long term fitness goal, but I have to build up enough nerve just to say it out loud!) It’s not even summer yet, so all this hard work cant’ go down the drain before the tank tops come out! Well I did nibble on a few nuts and raisins, but by the time I wanted to sit down for a glass of wine, it was too late. So I skipped it. The temptation is there… I guess it’s always there; it’s up to me to distract myself.
I find the best time to distract myself is when I run. This is the time where I get to mull over my week or think about upcoming tasks. I can clear my mind and although I am concentrating on my pace, breathing and distance… I do allot of uninterrupted thinking. I have also come to realize this is when I get most inspired for my blog topics. I try to plan my runs, but most often they are spontaneous breaks where my family is content and I can literally run out the door and be back in 45 minutes.
Unlike me the more it I take it for a run, the more aged my car becomes. Last week while driving my kids home from downtown and I honked at someone to alert them of a pedestrian crossing. Well, my horn got stuck. And for a long 25 minutes home, it randomly honked while cruising the freeway. Now, in case you missed your exercise session this is a great way to work up a sweat and burn some calories. Some people looked at me strangely, some giggled, and some got mad. As I raised both hands to signal that it wasn’t me, I am sure some drivers took my gesture as they were doing something wrong and I was saying WTF!
They obviously didn’t realize that if I have both my hands in the air, they could not possibly be on my horn. Even as I pulled in my street, my horn was gladly announcing my arrival to all my neighbours. I parked and one good punch to my steering wheel and disconnecting the wire stopped the embarrassment continuing any longer.
So this is it, it’s over, I’m on my own. It’s up to me, to challenge myself, to keep on track, keep making goals and be an example to my kids. (And maybe certain teenagers) I’ve got to keep fuelled up, my treads on the road, and instead of replacing my aging package, I just need to restore a few fuses!
Week 16 Gaining
So here I am almost done this adventure of fitness.(until I figure out my next goal) I haven’t weighed myself for 6 weeks and the scale sits beside me on the floor with no batteries. It hasn’t worked since just after I started this contest. Now why is everyone so hung up on the scale? Why is it so important to have a number associated with who you are? I set out on this contest to teach myself how to become healthier. I knew I didn’t need to lose much if any weight and I knew that I was already active and showing an example for my whole family. So why was I so disappointed ½ through this that I had lost 1 ounce. REALLY 1 OUNCE! I was mad…. and still kinda am. But I have to get out of that mind frame, I don’t need to lose weight, I need to gain. So how much did I gain you ask?
Well I only made minor changes on my diet. I eat because I need to; I need it to nourish not only my body, but my mind and soul. I try to eat and prepare meals with love, especially 4th birthday princess cakes. I like my glass of weekly wine because I deserve it and I have no problems eating carbohydrates as long as they are food that I know still brings nutrition to me. Yes, I’ve cut down my sugar intake and I’ve increased my water intake. I’ve become aware of what goes into my mouth but that doesn’t mean it stops at my lips.
I could have spent the past couple of months counting carbs, managing calories while also being extremely concerned with my fat intake. I could beat myself up with guilt over the multitude of birthdays I have attended and been in emotional turmoil over what I should and shouldn’t have done. This may win me the contest… but I really think I would have been miserable, and why? So I could lose a few pounds? When I really don’t need to.
I’ve had a few friends say ‘wow you look great, you must have lost weight!” and I could honestly say “no, I haven’t.” No, I haven’t… yet somehow I look better to them. Is better being less weight? Do we just associate looking better with weighing less? Or do we not know that better may be because we are healthier?
I remember thinking at one point in my early 20’s that if I could eat pasta and butter for the next 3 months I was bound to lose some pounds. (That lasted 1 day) It’s because I didn’t know what was good for me. I wasn’t taught nutrition or to love food. At the age of 23 I set out on a health regime because I was overweight and I didn’t know what was wholesome and what wasn’t. I hired a nutritionist who taught me how food works in my body and all the things I could eat. (Instead of focusing on all the food I couldn’t eat) So after almost a year, of nutrition counselling and exercise I lost roughly 30 lbs.
Instead this time I have gained…
Confidence, strength and energy. I have gained a sweet line defining my arms. I have gained a lifted round little bum. I have gained an excitement for being active. I have gained a calf muscle that I never noticed before. I gained 6.5 kms in distance per run. I gained the ability to do MANY push ups. I gained strength in my belly. I gained a back a pair of pants that have been sitting in the closet for too long. I gained more than exercises from my trainer, Tina, I’ve gained life lessons… this being one of them. I’ve gained a Sun Run under my belt. I’ve gained a craving for fitness goals. I’ve gained a more open mind. I’ve gained a set schedule for me. I’ve gained a husband who has started to run. I’ve gained a desire to incorporate this as a priority in my life.
Most of these achievements cannot be measured. It’s not on a scale or a measuring tape. It’s not about distance, speed, winning or losing. This is about life, my life and what I can do with it. How I can improve it and make it better for me and those around me.
You know what? It’s ok to gain. It could actually be good for you.
…Now if I could only gain 2 batteries for this stupid scale.
Well I only made minor changes on my diet. I eat because I need to; I need it to nourish not only my body, but my mind and soul. I try to eat and prepare meals with love, especially 4th birthday princess cakes. I like my glass of weekly wine because I deserve it and I have no problems eating carbohydrates as long as they are food that I know still brings nutrition to me. Yes, I’ve cut down my sugar intake and I’ve increased my water intake. I’ve become aware of what goes into my mouth but that doesn’t mean it stops at my lips.
I could have spent the past couple of months counting carbs, managing calories while also being extremely concerned with my fat intake. I could beat myself up with guilt over the multitude of birthdays I have attended and been in emotional turmoil over what I should and shouldn’t have done. This may win me the contest… but I really think I would have been miserable, and why? So I could lose a few pounds? When I really don’t need to.
I’ve had a few friends say ‘wow you look great, you must have lost weight!” and I could honestly say “no, I haven’t.” No, I haven’t… yet somehow I look better to them. Is better being less weight? Do we just associate looking better with weighing less? Or do we not know that better may be because we are healthier?
I remember thinking at one point in my early 20’s that if I could eat pasta and butter for the next 3 months I was bound to lose some pounds. (That lasted 1 day) It’s because I didn’t know what was good for me. I wasn’t taught nutrition or to love food. At the age of 23 I set out on a health regime because I was overweight and I didn’t know what was wholesome and what wasn’t. I hired a nutritionist who taught me how food works in my body and all the things I could eat. (Instead of focusing on all the food I couldn’t eat) So after almost a year, of nutrition counselling and exercise I lost roughly 30 lbs.
Instead this time I have gained…
Confidence, strength and energy. I have gained a sweet line defining my arms. I have gained a lifted round little bum. I have gained an excitement for being active. I have gained a calf muscle that I never noticed before. I gained 6.5 kms in distance per run. I gained the ability to do MANY push ups. I gained strength in my belly. I gained a back a pair of pants that have been sitting in the closet for too long. I gained more than exercises from my trainer, Tina, I’ve gained life lessons… this being one of them. I’ve gained a Sun Run under my belt. I’ve gained a craving for fitness goals. I’ve gained a more open mind. I’ve gained a set schedule for me. I’ve gained a husband who has started to run. I’ve gained a desire to incorporate this as a priority in my life.
Most of these achievements cannot be measured. It’s not on a scale or a measuring tape. It’s not about distance, speed, winning or losing. This is about life, my life and what I can do with it. How I can improve it and make it better for me and those around me.
You know what? It’s ok to gain. It could actually be good for you.
…Now if I could only gain 2 batteries for this stupid scale.
Week 15 Dressed in Grey
I’m tired, really really tired right now. Tired like I just had a baby tired. Tired like I could fall asleep right here if I just lay my head down on this nice, warm, cozy, dining room table. It’s not like I’ve been doing that much… ok, so maybe I overdid it this weekend. Saturday was a run with my husband(YAY S!!) and the kids in a stroller and in the afternoon Capoeira, today it was work out with Tina and Capoeira. But it’s more than that, this last week has been beautiful, and the sun shines through my window around 6:30, and I am often getting to bed around 11pm. That is not enough sleep for me, it’s not good and I lose my patience easy when I’m irritable.
But with this wonderful weather comes spring cleaning! This week we went through old toys and picked some to give away. We also went through our closets and did the same. My daughter loves dressing up, changing her socks, underwear, clips, and clothes multiple times a day. I sorted through her winter clothes, folded them and boxed them up till next season. She saw me do this; we actually did most of this together. Next morning she wants her green pants and green long sleeve sweater to wear; I tried to convince her otherwise, but was coaxed into getting these out of the winter box.
The next morning she tried it again. “I want my grey jogging pants, to match my grey hoodie!!” She continually screamed, pouted and asked for about 20 minutes. I was already tired for the day and I explained that she has nice summer clothes in her room to wear, and that I am not going to go down to the box every day she wants something wintery.
Another 20 minutes pass. At this point, I am getting on with my morning, thinking that Dad had already left for work. He came up to talk to her and I heard him explaining the concept of summer and winter to her. I walked in the door ready to put in my 2 cents and he looked at me as a light bulb went on in his head.
He explained “maybe C wants to wear her grey jogging pants because Mommy is wearing all grey this morning.” I looked at him, and realized that I have married a genius! My god, 40 minutes of arguing what to wear and this is what it was about!!
Immediately all of our attitudes changed and we started to communicate properly. I ask C if she was willing to trade 2 pair of pants that are currently in her closet for her grey jogging pants. She was happy to, and I was happy to do it for her. Boy are we glad that dad came back in that morning or what?!
I thought about it afterwards… you know I looked terrible, I just woke up and was wearing loungewear while getting breakfast ready. But my little girl wanted to be like me, not because I was all decked out, with my makeup and hair done, or because I have designer clothing. She doesn’t care what car I drive, how much I pay for something, or how many errands I can run in 1 week. She wants to be like me, because I am her Mom. And I am her Mom, from the moment I wake up till the moment I wake up the next day. I check in for this job every morning weather I’m ready or not. I can’t wait for a cup of coffee, to figure out if I can handle this day or not… I’ve punched the time clock at my job, tired, dressed in grey, and now aware of whom is in charge of my evaluation.
But with this wonderful weather comes spring cleaning! This week we went through old toys and picked some to give away. We also went through our closets and did the same. My daughter loves dressing up, changing her socks, underwear, clips, and clothes multiple times a day. I sorted through her winter clothes, folded them and boxed them up till next season. She saw me do this; we actually did most of this together. Next morning she wants her green pants and green long sleeve sweater to wear; I tried to convince her otherwise, but was coaxed into getting these out of the winter box.
The next morning she tried it again. “I want my grey jogging pants, to match my grey hoodie!!” She continually screamed, pouted and asked for about 20 minutes. I was already tired for the day and I explained that she has nice summer clothes in her room to wear, and that I am not going to go down to the box every day she wants something wintery.
Another 20 minutes pass. At this point, I am getting on with my morning, thinking that Dad had already left for work. He came up to talk to her and I heard him explaining the concept of summer and winter to her. I walked in the door ready to put in my 2 cents and he looked at me as a light bulb went on in his head.
He explained “maybe C wants to wear her grey jogging pants because Mommy is wearing all grey this morning.” I looked at him, and realized that I have married a genius! My god, 40 minutes of arguing what to wear and this is what it was about!!
 |
| Our Grey Outfits |
Immediately all of our attitudes changed and we started to communicate properly. I ask C if she was willing to trade 2 pair of pants that are currently in her closet for her grey jogging pants. She was happy to, and I was happy to do it for her. Boy are we glad that dad came back in that morning or what?!
I thought about it afterwards… you know I looked terrible, I just woke up and was wearing loungewear while getting breakfast ready. But my little girl wanted to be like me, not because I was all decked out, with my makeup and hair done, or because I have designer clothing. She doesn’t care what car I drive, how much I pay for something, or how many errands I can run in 1 week. She wants to be like me, because I am her Mom. And I am her Mom, from the moment I wake up till the moment I wake up the next day. I check in for this job every morning weather I’m ready or not. I can’t wait for a cup of coffee, to figure out if I can handle this day or not… I’ve punched the time clock at my job, tired, dressed in grey, and now aware of whom is in charge of my evaluation.
Week 14 Motha's Day
Shout out to all you Mommas out there!!! Happy Mother’s day to those who nurture, not always children whom you birthed but those who you’ve taken in, adopted, fostered, mentored, cared for and loved from the deepest parts of your heart. You are doing a great job making this world a better place!
I am soaking it up this year, not because I want gifts or to be pampered (well I do want to be pampered but that’s beside the point) I’m basking my own emotions about being a mother. This year I feel my most empowered. I feel strong, I have learned to let things slide, I feel fit, and I even feel sexy. I am giving my best effort in many areas of my life, and I’m feelin good being me.
Things I love about being a mother:
The smell of my son’s head
My daughter’s eyes
Snuggling with them after a nap
Snuggling with them during a nap
Our daily bike rides
My husband’s pride to tell others I made their gift
My 3 pm coffee break
Surprising my whole family with a spontaneous dance
Having a good laugh at no one’s expense
The glance my husband I give each other when our kids shock us with their actions or comments
Giggles coming from their bedroom/back seat/ playground
This morning I woke with such excitement. I creeped out of bed and made a big bowl of oatmeal, with a tbsp of almond butter, fresh strawberries and a boiled egg on the side. I skipped my coffee and drank plenty of water instead. This was my first official run and my first 10 kms, and I was so excited to get ready. I bought myself a new workout outfit, which paired with my Nike runners…Well, I definitely looked the part, but now was I able to pull it off?
My husband and the kids gave me all kisses goodbye as they dropped me off at the sky train station… and I felt naked. I had nothing but my phone and a $5 bill in my pocket. No diapers, no wipes, no purse, no wallet not even a jacket. There was this strange sense of energy on the train… everyone dressed in their white shirt to try and complete a goal. Those who look like the Vancouver Sun Run is a stroll around the park and those who look like they just might fall over because they didn’t sleep last night. We were all heading into the downtown core for one goal or another.
I met up with the Fitness On The Go Team. We got in line (I mean corral) and the enthusiasm was growing. Now all we had to do was wait… and wait… and wait. We could see the starting line a few blocks ahead the band were playing excellent music and the helicopter was in the air filming the thousands of runners. I was cold in the shade, I had to pee and my belly was starting to rumble. 1 hour and 15 minute after the first runners darted off… we finally crossed the starting line!!!
The hardest part seemed to be the deeking the non runners. Mandy, a trainer from Fitness on the Go, ended up as my partner and we really our groove on. I felt good but started to get a bit tired around kilometre 7… shortly after that I saw my family there cheering me on from the sideline. Seeing their faces gave me a boost and by kilometre 9 I had developed a stitch in my side. Mandy talked me through it and we took it up a notch the last ½ a kilometre to the finish line. I crossed my first run ever with Mandy and Megan! Once I stopped running, the few negative thoughts and few aches and pains disappeared. I can’t believe I considered myself a non runner, and I ran that!! Fantastic!
My daughter also turned 4 this week. 4!?? My goodness, 4 years ago, I laboured for so many hours really not knowing what was ahead of me. The powerful feeling of accomplishment, the tireless nights, the worry, the feeling of confinement, the problems with breastfeeding, which pass to make way for new struggles and joys. Now this little lady has manners, she thinks for herself, she is creative, she cares for her brother, and she is independent and curious. Does this have anything to do with me??? I hope so, but I know so much of this is all about her. And I love her for it all.
I am soaking it up this year, not because I want gifts or to be pampered (well I do want to be pampered but that’s beside the point) I’m basking my own emotions about being a mother. This year I feel my most empowered. I feel strong, I have learned to let things slide, I feel fit, and I even feel sexy. I am giving my best effort in many areas of my life, and I’m feelin good being me.
Things I love about being a mother:
The smell of my son’s head
My daughter’s eyes
Snuggling with them after a nap
Snuggling with them during a nap
Our daily bike rides
My husband’s pride to tell others I made their gift
My 3 pm coffee break
Surprising my whole family with a spontaneous dance
Having a good laugh at no one’s expense
The glance my husband I give each other when our kids shock us with their actions or comments
Giggles coming from their bedroom/back seat/ playground
This morning I woke with such excitement. I creeped out of bed and made a big bowl of oatmeal, with a tbsp of almond butter, fresh strawberries and a boiled egg on the side. I skipped my coffee and drank plenty of water instead. This was my first official run and my first 10 kms, and I was so excited to get ready. I bought myself a new workout outfit, which paired with my Nike runners…Well, I definitely looked the part, but now was I able to pull it off?
My husband and the kids gave me all kisses goodbye as they dropped me off at the sky train station… and I felt naked. I had nothing but my phone and a $5 bill in my pocket. No diapers, no wipes, no purse, no wallet not even a jacket. There was this strange sense of energy on the train… everyone dressed in their white shirt to try and complete a goal. Those who look like the Vancouver Sun Run is a stroll around the park and those who look like they just might fall over because they didn’t sleep last night. We were all heading into the downtown core for one goal or another.
I met up with the Fitness On The Go Team. We got in line (I mean corral) and the enthusiasm was growing. Now all we had to do was wait… and wait… and wait. We could see the starting line a few blocks ahead the band were playing excellent music and the helicopter was in the air filming the thousands of runners. I was cold in the shade, I had to pee and my belly was starting to rumble. 1 hour and 15 minute after the first runners darted off… we finally crossed the starting line!!!The hardest part seemed to be the deeking the non runners. Mandy, a trainer from Fitness on the Go, ended up as my partner and we really our groove on. I felt good but started to get a bit tired around kilometre 7… shortly after that I saw my family there cheering me on from the sideline. Seeing their faces gave me a boost and by kilometre 9 I had developed a stitch in my side. Mandy talked me through it and we took it up a notch the last ½ a kilometre to the finish line. I crossed my first run ever with Mandy and Megan! Once I stopped running, the few negative thoughts and few aches and pains disappeared. I can’t believe I considered myself a non runner, and I ran that!! Fantastic!
My daughter also turned 4 this week. 4!?? My goodness, 4 years ago, I laboured for so many hours really not knowing what was ahead of me. The powerful feeling of accomplishment, the tireless nights, the worry, the feeling of confinement, the problems with breastfeeding, which pass to make way for new struggles and joys. Now this little lady has manners, she thinks for herself, she is creative, she cares for her brother, and she is independent and curious. Does this have anything to do with me??? I hope so, but I know so much of this is all about her. And I love her for it all.
Week 13 Enjoy
I have this lovely lady I work with. I have an ulterior motive for going into work lately. It’s not to accomplish any type of assignments or ‘work’ it’s so I can get my energy fill from her for the week. Since M has started working with us, I have become more relaxed, and aware of my ‘issues’ with life and realize that everything is really ok.
It’s ok to procrastinate
It’s ok to be in the moment
It’s ok to be late
It’s ok to for other’s to get angry at you
It’s ok to enjoy my coffee
It’s ok to have fun.
When I was trying to deal with 2 sick kids, while tending to the office and in the midst of packing up my house M said “Michelle, pack every box with pleasure.” And since then she has said to me many times when I have found myself complaining, ‘it’s ok, do everything with pleasure.’ This really struck a cord with me… I mean, how is this woman able to do everything ‘with pleasure’. Really? What is pleasurable about figuring out my finances, or cleaning the bathroom for the second time this week? But I am figuring it out… if I can do it, and am content about it, how much better would my day go? It would be fantastic! If I can change my mind about how to look at a task I’ve been dreading for days, then wouldn’t the task be completed faster… and would it stop haunting my mind so I can get on with other things? Wow… why didn’t I think of this sooner! I wouldn’t have wasted so much of my life worrying about stupid stuff.
I also like to ask her about life, spiritual issues and health questions. She never tells me what I should to do, but instead guides me kindly through her amazing stories and lessons she has learned. I contemplate for minutes, hours, days until I slowly make the changes I need to. I really am becoming better for it, and I think what I am learning from M, I am somehow passing on to my kids, husband and others.
I went into work after an exceptionally draining week. My kids were pulling me in every direction, a friend was having a really tough time at home and I had been exercising more. I asked M “Do you ever feel tired and exhausted when you go through emotional times like these” she agreed. “What can I do to help me through this?” Now I was expecting a profound answer, one with learning to listen to my heart, or that the earth is not aligned or that I am being challenged in life to learn a very important lesson. But she looked at me as if were from a different planet and said “go to bed early”
What? That’s it? That’s my answer, so simple, so basic… so…so true! Get more sleep? Huh. I pondered again, why didn’t I think of that first?
Wouldn’t life be better if we all got a little more sleep, didn’t carry a heavy chest with things that aren’t truly important and enjoyed everything we did? (Including scrubbing the inside the toilet!)
It’s ok to procrastinate
It’s ok to be in the moment
It’s ok to be late
It’s ok to for other’s to get angry at you
It’s ok to enjoy my coffee
It’s ok to have fun.
When I was trying to deal with 2 sick kids, while tending to the office and in the midst of packing up my house M said “Michelle, pack every box with pleasure.” And since then she has said to me many times when I have found myself complaining, ‘it’s ok, do everything with pleasure.’ This really struck a cord with me… I mean, how is this woman able to do everything ‘with pleasure’. Really? What is pleasurable about figuring out my finances, or cleaning the bathroom for the second time this week? But I am figuring it out… if I can do it, and am content about it, how much better would my day go? It would be fantastic! If I can change my mind about how to look at a task I’ve been dreading for days, then wouldn’t the task be completed faster… and would it stop haunting my mind so I can get on with other things? Wow… why didn’t I think of this sooner! I wouldn’t have wasted so much of my life worrying about stupid stuff.
I also like to ask her about life, spiritual issues and health questions. She never tells me what I should to do, but instead guides me kindly through her amazing stories and lessons she has learned. I contemplate for minutes, hours, days until I slowly make the changes I need to. I really am becoming better for it, and I think what I am learning from M, I am somehow passing on to my kids, husband and others.
I went into work after an exceptionally draining week. My kids were pulling me in every direction, a friend was having a really tough time at home and I had been exercising more. I asked M “Do you ever feel tired and exhausted when you go through emotional times like these” she agreed. “What can I do to help me through this?” Now I was expecting a profound answer, one with learning to listen to my heart, or that the earth is not aligned or that I am being challenged in life to learn a very important lesson. But she looked at me as if were from a different planet and said “go to bed early”
What? That’s it? That’s my answer, so simple, so basic… so…so true! Get more sleep? Huh. I pondered again, why didn’t I think of that first?
Wouldn’t life be better if we all got a little more sleep, didn’t carry a heavy chest with things that aren’t truly important and enjoyed everything we did? (Including scrubbing the inside the toilet!)
Week 12 Excuses
Work too much? Can’t fit in a work out? Travel frequently? Sick? Injured? No extra money? No gym nearby? Think nobody is paying attention to what you do? The last few weeks have tested me. … Just as life does. I’ve had birthday parties for little ones for 4 consecutive weekends and 2 more weeks to go. This amount of hotdogs, birthday cake and candies are NOT normal for one person. When my daughter wakes up on a Tuesday morning asking whose birthday party are we going to today, doesn’t exactly conjure up good thoughts about nutrition and over indulgence for me. I am also invited to these parties and while hosts and hostesses are constantly trying to offer me more food, treats, chips (Don’t get me wrong my friends, I do love seeing you). I have an ongoing battle in my head of what is good and not good for my kids and me.This is life and if I were to use the excuse ‘oh, it’s a birthday party go ahead have some ______” I would have eaten .75 cakes piled high with icing, 1.75 large bags of chips, 32 Hersey kisses and 7 hotdogs, and possibly 2 litres of pop. All this does not add up to getting in shape, gearing up for the Sun Run and trying to lose a few pounds. But this is my life.
We were on the island a couple of weeks ago for business, I made sure to book a hotel with a gym so that I can get a few minutes in while I might have the time. Now this is not an amenity I would normally look for. A spa, free wireless, a pool, Jacuzzi tub, a view and a king size bed would have been on my list in the past. But this time I looked for a fitness room, what was I thinking? Victoria is always sunnier than Vancouver, so I went for a run instead. With all the lovely scenery I didn’t need a room to work out in; I had a whole city to work out in! I ended up on the TransCanada Trail and just ran until I thought it might be time to turn back… it was fabulous! This is my life.
Wednesday I started feeling sick. This wasn’t a full blown cold, but I knew by Friday I wasn’t going to be doing my 6 km run… So on Thursday I put my 2 kids in the stroller and I ran around the ‘hood.’ Now let me tell you, this is a different work out than I am used to. Feeling like I was pushing a wheelbarrow while 2 wiggly bodies kept asking for snacks, jackets and shoes was not my ideal work out… but man was I surprised. My butt had to work harder to push 3 people up the hills, my triceps worked harder trying to steer that stroller and I actually accomplished a work out in 20 minutes. I took Friday off. This is my life.
I didn’t go to bed till late last night, I still felt sick. My husband kept me awake with his… ahem, snoring. (Sorry S) and I was tossing and turning from 5:00 until 6:45 am, when I had to get up for Tina. Even when I curled up under my sheets, I knew it was going to be a crappy work out in the morning…. but Tina proved me wrong once again. We went for a run, and when we got back my daughter greeted us in the basement. I considered sending her upstairs because this was MY time after all. But she seemed to be curious about Tina and what I was doing with weights in my hands. So I let her stay. She watched me try an exercise, she heard me grunting and breathing until my body couldn’t take it anymore. C studied Tina while she counted my reps and encouraged through my muscles shaking and burning. I thought…. here I am leading by example! This is my life.
I also went to Capoeira in the afternoon. I was prepared to tell my instructor that I still wasn’t feeling well and I may just sit out and watch. But this Martial Art takes over my mind and body. Once I start it won’t let me stop… I completed the whole class and wanted to keep going even once it was over. I am infatuated with this sport and really don’t let anything get in my way of attending. This also is my life.
My point is this… This is YOUR life and many times it gets in the way.
Deal with it; quit making excuses why it won’t work.
Try different activities.
Show examples to your kids.
Eat with attention and love.
Don’t stress about your exercises, these should add to your life, not take your energy away.
Find something physical you LOVE to do.
Week 11 The Scale
I get why people give up. Running, Capoeira, training with Fitness on the Go…. I’m friggin working hard here people! Tina took my measurements before today’s session. One was less than desirable for my expectations I am very happy with the rest of my results, but this 1 lingered on my mind. Could I have thrown in the towel, took of my runners, grabbed a big bag of Nachos and sat watching cartoons all morning? Yes… but did I? Hell NO! No way am I going to let 1 measurement throw all this hard work out the window. This is not a battle of me and my scale. If it were, the scale would have been the heavy weight champion and I would be in a scorpion death lock screaming uncle.
If I were to measure my success on this 1 aspect of my fitness goals alone, then I would be thinking all this hard work it not worth it, and give up. But this is so much more than the weight. I know my body is improving, I can feel the difference every week. My bra feels bigger (not sure if that is good or bad), I want to wear shirts that show off my arms and I can’t wait for summer. I can run further, do more leg lifts and abdominal work than I have ever done before. So why hasn’t my weight moved? Who cares I tell you. Who cares?! If I was doing this all on my own, with no support, no validation and no pounds coming off the scale I would be peeved, frustrated and depressed. Tina is there to talk me through it, help me see the improvements and tell me why it is so important not to base all my motivation on the pounds.
I also have it in my mind that because I am exercising that I MUST do more than I did last time. I must run further, I must increase the number of reps and I must speed up my time. This isn’t always reasonable. It doesn’t make sense and if I were to do more every time, then soon I’ll be training for 3 hours 6x a week. My exercise is supposed to be fitting into my life, not taking it over.
As Tina and I were jogging uphill last week she suggested something ‘fun’. I nearly died of laughter but couldn’t even laugh because I was already out of breath. She said ‘you know what’s really fun Michelle? Try sprints between running and walking.’
Oh, yah, fun.
Real fun Tina.
But you know what? We tried it. Remember running as a child? Running like your Dad was a monster coming to get you? Running because you were late for dinner? Running because you just hit your brother and he was going to get you back? This is what I felt like. Running so fast that my legs were going faster than my body, and in the end they might just fall off. It was fun and I did it on my own this week. I got rid of all my inhibitions and didn’t care what I looked to all the cars driving by. I darted from one street light to the next as fast as I could, took it down to a jog and walked it out till my heart rate came down. Then I did it all over again.
I did this until I couldn’t do it anymore. I didn’t measure my time, I didn’t measure my distance and I know this exercise will improve my overall condition and keep my body in constant state of waiting to take off. I can achieve many benefits by integrating this short exercise into my week instead of increasing my distance and time.
Every week I worry about what I am going to write about, and every week I have another realization. My lesson then becomes so easy to share. This week I’ve realized I can’t give up because something is not what I expect. I’ve got to measure my life in balance, pleasure and progress instead of measuring distance, amount and pounds.
If I were to measure my success on this 1 aspect of my fitness goals alone, then I would be thinking all this hard work it not worth it, and give up. But this is so much more than the weight. I know my body is improving, I can feel the difference every week. My bra feels bigger (not sure if that is good or bad), I want to wear shirts that show off my arms and I can’t wait for summer. I can run further, do more leg lifts and abdominal work than I have ever done before. So why hasn’t my weight moved? Who cares I tell you. Who cares?! If I was doing this all on my own, with no support, no validation and no pounds coming off the scale I would be peeved, frustrated and depressed. Tina is there to talk me through it, help me see the improvements and tell me why it is so important not to base all my motivation on the pounds.
I also have it in my mind that because I am exercising that I MUST do more than I did last time. I must run further, I must increase the number of reps and I must speed up my time. This isn’t always reasonable. It doesn’t make sense and if I were to do more every time, then soon I’ll be training for 3 hours 6x a week. My exercise is supposed to be fitting into my life, not taking it over.
As Tina and I were jogging uphill last week she suggested something ‘fun’. I nearly died of laughter but couldn’t even laugh because I was already out of breath. She said ‘you know what’s really fun Michelle? Try sprints between running and walking.’
Oh, yah, fun.
Real fun Tina.
But you know what? We tried it. Remember running as a child? Running like your Dad was a monster coming to get you? Running because you were late for dinner? Running because you just hit your brother and he was going to get you back? This is what I felt like. Running so fast that my legs were going faster than my body, and in the end they might just fall off. It was fun and I did it on my own this week. I got rid of all my inhibitions and didn’t care what I looked to all the cars driving by. I darted from one street light to the next as fast as I could, took it down to a jog and walked it out till my heart rate came down. Then I did it all over again.
I did this until I couldn’t do it anymore. I didn’t measure my time, I didn’t measure my distance and I know this exercise will improve my overall condition and keep my body in constant state of waiting to take off. I can achieve many benefits by integrating this short exercise into my week instead of increasing my distance and time.
Every week I worry about what I am going to write about, and every week I have another realization. My lesson then becomes so easy to share. This week I’ve realized I can’t give up because something is not what I expect. I’ve got to measure my life in balance, pleasure and progress instead of measuring distance, amount and pounds.
Week 10 Feelin' Good
I can still feel the heat in my cheeks and the taste of salt on my top lip from today’s workouts. (Yes more than 1) I am starting to thrive on the burn, the sweat and the intense feelings that I get from pushing myself. Disappointment overcomes me once I realize a session is over. I feel like I could go forever, I know this feeling can’t last… or can it?
Tina came this morning… the sun was already shining and we decided to run up to the mountain, where there are trails and a bike course. We used those wooden obstacles to do push ups, triceps lifts and leg lifts. She also decided to set my legs on fire by doing lunges UPHILL! Forget the weights; uphill lunges seem way more effective. We tried sprint training and made it home in time to do some abdominal and back exercises.
Just having Tina come every Sunday motivates me for the next 6 days. You may wonder how adding only 1 work out has improved my situation, but it’s that 1 hour that keeps me on track for the next 167. I really don’t feel that I have sacrificed all that much to keep me going for the week. I’ve added 1 run to my routine and if I miss a Capoeira class, I will replace it with a run too. Just this and I can feel drastic improvements in my performance.
Last Sunday I ran and I finally made my goal of running 4 kms. No taking short cuts; it was the full 4 k. Wednesday I set out to run that again, but something strange happened. … I kept running. There was no freeze brain in my head from the cold; there were no stitches of pain in my side. I felt good, so I kept going. My dog was starting to fall behind so we detoured home. I mapped it out and turns out I ran 5.1kms! My god, how did that happen? I don’t even like running that much, but it’s free, I can get out of the house and I have the time to think in peace and quiet.
Friday I set out on the pavement again. I left my home and took the long route; there was no shortcut this time. 30 minutes later my dog was tired and I had to return him home but I felt an urge to keep going. So off I took again, I ran by myself and I could hear my breathing, my lungs took breaths that were deep and manageable. I listened to my heart, beating at a pace that felt good to my soul. The sun had set and I was so aware of my senses. The smell of fresh dirt, the sight of neighbours in their homes and the taste of a dry mouth. I turned onto my street and took down the pace to a long striding walk. I heard something… was it my laces hitting my shoes? Was it the zipper on my coat? Was it someone hammering in their house? Wait listen, that knocking noise is ….my hip! What? Is that in the front? The back? The side? I couldn’t feel a thing, but there was defiantly a noise in my hip! I haven’t heard it again, and have no idea what that was. I was nervous that I was going to wake up in pain the next morning.
I snuck into the house, mapped out my 6.27 kms route, and then decided to run a bath. (Pun completely intended) Now if you know me, you know I’m not a bath person. But this time, I ran the water as hot as I could, I got in, read my book with my ears under the water so that I could not hear the rest of the house and the potential problems that may exist. As I lay there, I could feel the muscles in my hips start to ache and the muscles in my calves start to relax. It was great, my body was great and my mind was happy at what I just accomplished.
I woke up the next morning with no pain, an excitement for the day and the next time I would be able to work out.
I really don’t think that I’ve lost all that much weight… and to tell you the truth I don’t care. I feel stronger, I see some definition in my muscles and I am powerful. What will be difficult one week, becomes easy the next. Activities that I never thought of trying I am now completing with confidence. What I wanted for myself I am now feeling. When I was pregnant I loved my body, since then I have not felt the same. And even though I still have my belly and my butt is flat as a pancake( ok maybe there is a small round bump starting) I am proud of what I am allowing my body to do and when I let the fear go of looking silly, it will do whatever I want it too! This is a powerful time in my life, this isn’t about competing with others, it is about competing with me. Letting guilt, fear and temptation go. In the meantime I am grabbing a strong hold of confidence, vivacity and power. I feel great
Tina came this morning… the sun was already shining and we decided to run up to the mountain, where there are trails and a bike course. We used those wooden obstacles to do push ups, triceps lifts and leg lifts. She also decided to set my legs on fire by doing lunges UPHILL! Forget the weights; uphill lunges seem way more effective. We tried sprint training and made it home in time to do some abdominal and back exercises.
Just having Tina come every Sunday motivates me for the next 6 days. You may wonder how adding only 1 work out has improved my situation, but it’s that 1 hour that keeps me on track for the next 167. I really don’t feel that I have sacrificed all that much to keep me going for the week. I’ve added 1 run to my routine and if I miss a Capoeira class, I will replace it with a run too. Just this and I can feel drastic improvements in my performance.
Last Sunday I ran and I finally made my goal of running 4 kms. No taking short cuts; it was the full 4 k. Wednesday I set out to run that again, but something strange happened. … I kept running. There was no freeze brain in my head from the cold; there were no stitches of pain in my side. I felt good, so I kept going. My dog was starting to fall behind so we detoured home. I mapped it out and turns out I ran 5.1kms! My god, how did that happen? I don’t even like running that much, but it’s free, I can get out of the house and I have the time to think in peace and quiet.
Friday I set out on the pavement again. I left my home and took the long route; there was no shortcut this time. 30 minutes later my dog was tired and I had to return him home but I felt an urge to keep going. So off I took again, I ran by myself and I could hear my breathing, my lungs took breaths that were deep and manageable. I listened to my heart, beating at a pace that felt good to my soul. The sun had set and I was so aware of my senses. The smell of fresh dirt, the sight of neighbours in their homes and the taste of a dry mouth. I turned onto my street and took down the pace to a long striding walk. I heard something… was it my laces hitting my shoes? Was it the zipper on my coat? Was it someone hammering in their house? Wait listen, that knocking noise is ….my hip! What? Is that in the front? The back? The side? I couldn’t feel a thing, but there was defiantly a noise in my hip! I haven’t heard it again, and have no idea what that was. I was nervous that I was going to wake up in pain the next morning.
I snuck into the house, mapped out my 6.27 kms route, and then decided to run a bath. (Pun completely intended) Now if you know me, you know I’m not a bath person. But this time, I ran the water as hot as I could, I got in, read my book with my ears under the water so that I could not hear the rest of the house and the potential problems that may exist. As I lay there, I could feel the muscles in my hips start to ache and the muscles in my calves start to relax. It was great, my body was great and my mind was happy at what I just accomplished.
I woke up the next morning with no pain, an excitement for the day and the next time I would be able to work out.
I really don’t think that I’ve lost all that much weight… and to tell you the truth I don’t care. I feel stronger, I see some definition in my muscles and I am powerful. What will be difficult one week, becomes easy the next. Activities that I never thought of trying I am now completing with confidence. What I wanted for myself I am now feeling. When I was pregnant I loved my body, since then I have not felt the same. And even though I still have my belly and my butt is flat as a pancake( ok maybe there is a small round bump starting) I am proud of what I am allowing my body to do and when I let the fear go of looking silly, it will do whatever I want it too! This is a powerful time in my life, this isn’t about competing with others, it is about competing with me. Letting guilt, fear and temptation go. In the meantime I am grabbing a strong hold of confidence, vivacity and power. I feel great
week 9 Sugar Hangover
It happened. I fell off the band wagon. It’s Easter weekend and there has been many temptations haunting me this past week. But I’ve kept a strong hand on myself, that is, until yesterday. Actually that isn’t even the truth, it was the day before. This year Easter was at my house and I did all the prep to feed and entertain 9 kids and 9 adults. Seemed easy enough….
I trained with Tina the day before our company was coming. During my work out we had a great conversation about food and weight loss. I need to tweak things a little and I hope to get my body into gear for taking off a few pounds. Right now am at a point where I don’t feel guilty about what I eat. I eat what I need for my body and I have the occasional treats. I’ve started paying attention to what goes into my mouth and noticing whose food, what it is, why I’m eating it and where I am eating it. But it’s not enough to get my body into fat burning mode. So this week I’ve started food journal.
If I don’t write it down then Tina won’t know.
But if Tina does know, what is she going to think of me?
If Tina doesn’t know, how is she supposed to help me?
By no means is she judgemental, but having someone to check in with makes me more responsible for my actions. And really I know that is what I want and need. I like it when she gives me exercises that burn my muscles. I like it when I can feel and see my muscle tone improving. I like it when I can prove myself wrong and do an exercise that I thought I couldn’t. I like it when I can do more push ups than Tina or I expected. I like it when I can feel my abs under that flesh that held my babies. I am LOVING the changes in my body. And amazed that is all happening with just 1.5 extra hours a week to my routine. I just feel that there could be a little more…. uuumph to it all.
So don’t ask me what happened this weekend….
During the week I made marshmallows from scratch which I managed to eat only 1 as to make sure I wouldn’t have poisoned anyone. The night before I made Salsa (which is full of beans, mango and tonnes of veggies) and had to get the Easter baskets ready. That is when one chocolate jumped out of that basket right into my mouth! Then again, and again and again!! I couldn’t stop. Well I did stop, I had to, otherwise there would have been quite a few unhappy children the next day.
After lunch and the hunt for the Easter Bunny’s treats were over, everyone came inside to admire their new sweet treasures. I brought out dessert, strawberries, black berries, apples, and cake, chocolate, jelly beans and sweets beyond my control. I ate my fair share of the fruit… but I ate more than my fair share of the candy. The kids were all on their sugar high and I too. No one ate for the rest of the day. We all crashed and had an early night to bed.
This was the first time in a long time I felt guilty about food. I ate too much and I knew it. Not only did I do this at a time where I am trying to prove that I can be more fit, I did it even when I knew that it was simply just too much. This brings me to this morning, where I had planned my weekly run…
I got up with a sugar hang over. Really I did. My mouth was dry, my body felt lumpy and I didn’t want to get out of bed. But I said I was going for a run…. so I just had to. I stretched, walked and off I took with my dog. And you know what happened? I made my next goal for what I wanted to run! A bit further in the same amount of time! The clouds parted the sun shone through and my guilt was taken up into the sky!
My point is that just because I fell off, doesn’t mean this whole thing is over like I thought it was going to be. In less than 36 hours of when the initial chocolate popped into my mouth (I swear it, jumped, who knew?) I am back on. Back on the band wagon and ready to fight again!
I trained with Tina the day before our company was coming. During my work out we had a great conversation about food and weight loss. I need to tweak things a little and I hope to get my body into gear for taking off a few pounds. Right now am at a point where I don’t feel guilty about what I eat. I eat what I need for my body and I have the occasional treats. I’ve started paying attention to what goes into my mouth and noticing whose food, what it is, why I’m eating it and where I am eating it. But it’s not enough to get my body into fat burning mode. So this week I’ve started food journal.
If I don’t write it down then Tina won’t know.
But if Tina does know, what is she going to think of me?
If Tina doesn’t know, how is she supposed to help me?
By no means is she judgemental, but having someone to check in with makes me more responsible for my actions. And really I know that is what I want and need. I like it when she gives me exercises that burn my muscles. I like it when I can feel and see my muscle tone improving. I like it when I can prove myself wrong and do an exercise that I thought I couldn’t. I like it when I can do more push ups than Tina or I expected. I like it when I can feel my abs under that flesh that held my babies. I am LOVING the changes in my body. And amazed that is all happening with just 1.5 extra hours a week to my routine. I just feel that there could be a little more…. uuumph to it all.
So don’t ask me what happened this weekend….
During the week I made marshmallows from scratch which I managed to eat only 1 as to make sure I wouldn’t have poisoned anyone. The night before I made Salsa (which is full of beans, mango and tonnes of veggies) and had to get the Easter baskets ready. That is when one chocolate jumped out of that basket right into my mouth! Then again, and again and again!! I couldn’t stop. Well I did stop, I had to, otherwise there would have been quite a few unhappy children the next day.
This was the first time in a long time I felt guilty about food. I ate too much and I knew it. Not only did I do this at a time where I am trying to prove that I can be more fit, I did it even when I knew that it was simply just too much. This brings me to this morning, where I had planned my weekly run…
I got up with a sugar hang over. Really I did. My mouth was dry, my body felt lumpy and I didn’t want to get out of bed. But I said I was going for a run…. so I just had to. I stretched, walked and off I took with my dog. And you know what happened? I made my next goal for what I wanted to run! A bit further in the same amount of time! The clouds parted the sun shone through and my guilt was taken up into the sky!
My point is that just because I fell off, doesn’t mean this whole thing is over like I thought it was going to be. In less than 36 hours of when the initial chocolate popped into my mouth (I swear it, jumped, who knew?) I am back on. Back on the band wagon and ready to fight again!
Week 8 - 12 Minutes
I have asthma. In high school I had an attack so badly I was in hospital for 4 days. This was the first time I heard the word asthma referring to me, but I can first pinpoint my grade 8 gym class to the first time I didn’t feel right. It was the 12 minute run and we had to run around a track as many times as we could. The best female runner could do 4.75 laps and I could do 2 something. I’m not sure how to portray that I wanted to do better, I just couldn’t. I couldn’t understand how someone could enjoy running 4.75 laps and I didn’t even have the strength to walk up the steep hill back to the school after the test. I remember the sweat, the feeling of being tight in my lungs and my chin itching, (that is my strange tip something is not right) I remember sitting in the class room hours after gym struggling for air, what I didn’t realize was that wasn’t normal.
My dad is a runner, since I can remember he has been running and even on holidays takes his shoes with him so he can pound the pavement. One summer I decided that I was going to get better at running and I attempted to run 12 minutes with him. I think I made it 4. Honestly 4! I don’t know if I tried with him again, or if I just gave up, but I know I was disappointed. I think he may have been too. Of course that was all before I knew what was wrong.
So here I am now, running, working out, and I am a Capoeirista. How did this happen?
To tell you the truth I believe my asthma got better when I was pregnant with my daughter and more manageable when she was about 8 months old. I saw a Naturopath who helped me with food intolerances and I went to Postnatal fitness classes which was an excellent way to start an exercise regime. I then started Capoeira and once I could increase my stamina I began running around my neighbourhood. This empowered me, I felt strong even though my goal was only to make it more than 12 minutes. My time decreased as my distance and confidence increased. I took my medication less and less almost to the point that I thought I may be cured.
My dad is a runner, since I can remember he has been running and even on holidays takes his shoes with him so he can pound the pavement. One summer I decided that I was going to get better at running and I attempted to run 12 minutes with him. I think I made it 4. Honestly 4! I don’t know if I tried with him again, or if I just gave up, but I know I was disappointed. I think he may have been too. Of course that was all before I knew what was wrong.
So here I am now, running, working out, and I am a Capoeirista. How did this happen?
To tell you the truth I believe my asthma got better when I was pregnant with my daughter and more manageable when she was about 8 months old. I saw a Naturopath who helped me with food intolerances and I went to Postnatal fitness classes which was an excellent way to start an exercise regime. I then started Capoeira and once I could increase my stamina I began running around my neighbourhood. This empowered me, I felt strong even though my goal was only to make it more than 12 minutes. My time decreased as my distance and confidence increased. I took my medication less and less almost to the point that I thought I may be cured.
When my daughter was about 18 months old we took a trip to visit family. I almost didn’t bring my medicine as I hadn’t felt the need for it in months. But as soon as we got there my lungs instantly started to tighten. I only ran once in 2 weeks and could feel the infamous signs of an attack. I gave up and fairly disappoint went to my Dr. on arrival home. I somehow expected to feel better the minute I landed back in Vancouver. But it was going to take a lot longer to recover from this one and I was mad. I left his office feeling frustrated and devastated knowing that I will always need to have medication with me.
Once my lungs started to improve, I tried running again this time without the same stamina I had just the couple months before. I was upset that my body wasn’t working for me but little did I know it wasn’t cooperating because I was pregnant again. This didn’t stop me from staying active though. I trained Capoeira until I was 35 weeks pregnant and took prenatal Yoga to the day I went into labour (my contractions started right there in class!) All the while my Asthma improved.
I haven’t had any problems since that trip away. I take a bit of medication if I start to feel sickly, or if I know I’m going to complete a strenuous work out. But I think it’s more than medication that helps me along. I’ve met quite a few people along my journey of health, and all of these people have come into my life when I have needed it. These people have supported me, educated me and even kicked my arse. Now I take my experience from them and use it today.
These dozen minutes have haunted me for years.. it was not that I was unfit, unhealthy or lazy but I didn’t have the support or knowledge to manage my body. It took me 15 years after my initial try to actually run for a full 12 minutes. Everyone wants to feel good, everyone DESERVES to feel good. Sometimes you just might not know why you don’t feel good. Start… you just have to start. And if you can’t do it, give it a couple of days and start again. Heck, make your goal running for 12 minutes!!
Photo: http://www.trackpracticeplans.com
Aug 28, 2010
Week 7 In My Mouth
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| Not My Apple |
What do you put in your mouth?
I thought I was pretty good paying attention to what I eat. But I’ve soon come to realize that I eat what ever I want. And the reason I can do that? First it was because I was pregnant with my son. I exercised, I ate healthy, but those extra treats were burnt quickly by the fact I was growing a baby. Time went on I realized that I can still have those treats because I am breastfeeding a boy who wants to eat all the time. Bonus for me. Now months after finishing nursing I am realizing that I cannot pick up what ever I want and shove it in my mouth!
I exercise pretty hard in my Capoeira class. For that reason I can also ignore what I eat. Can you imagine the body that I may have if I actually paid attention!? I’ve been riding this pregnant/nursing new mother train too long. So my goal this week was to pay attention, not change anything, just feel, smell and watch what goes into my body. And you know what I found out?
I eat a lot of food that isn’t even mine!!
I am the main food buyer, preparer and planner in my family. I generally make healthy choices, I don’t overly use sugar and there has been a microwavable meal in my freezer for 2 years. I also know that I can’t handle junk food in the house so for the most part choose not to take it home from the grocery store. That doesn’t mean that it doesn’t make it into our house. I have people that I live with that tend to like things that I can’t resist. (There is that sarcasm again) I have a husband who loves chocolate almonds and can keep a whole bag from Costco going for months. I have kids who have been exposed to chips, candy and cookies. (Are you sure I can’t just keep them in the house forever to protect them from the outside world?) I on the other hand, cannot have these things hiding in the cupboard or fridge without them calling my name… “Michelle, eat me up, I’m here in the cupboard waiting for you to enjoy every delectable morsel!” “Michelle, I’m still here, it’s only been 1 hour since you snuck a handful, come on your husband will never know there is any missing” “Michelle, Michelle, Michelle” Aargh!
This is NOT my food!
So there is that problem. I also found another problem… I eat less than appealing food. Would you eat food that has been left on someone’s plate that has been chewed on, slobbered on and has a resemblance of an art project rather than a meal? I do. Its food that will never see the digestive track of my kids, it food that has been left by them because they’ve decided ½ way through their meal that they don’t like what I’ve made. So what do I do? I grab it and eat it because I don’t want it to go to waste.
This is NOT my food!
One more thing. I sneak sweets away from my kids while they are not looking. It’s not because I have to have it, it’s because I don’t want them to have it! As much as I want them to enjoy a treat here or there, I am the one who has to deal with the repercussions. Be it the sugar high, the nagging for more or the idea that they just won’t want to eat nutritious ever food again. So instead I put it in my body so they won’t have to.
Again… this is NOT my food!
So now that I have established that I need to not only watch what I am eating, but I’ve got to make sure it MY food that I am eating. No more listening to those chocolate almonds, no more munching on regurgitated lunches (come on, you know you’ve done it too) and no more Mrs. Nice Guy!
I’m also getting serious. Tina has somehow convinced me that I will be able to participate in this year’s Vancouver Sun Run! So this May 9th along with over 55 thousand people and the Fitness on the Go Team, I will run/walk 10 kms around downtown Vancouver.
So now that I’ve added running to my repertoire, I have to be more scheduled. Sundays I will meal plan, and train with Tina. 1 day a week I will run and 3 days a week I will do Capoeira. My husband and I tend to tag team the care in the family I often see him come in the door as I am on my way out. The only way I’ve managed to train with Tina is 7 am on Sunday mornings, and my run is now 6 am before my husband is off to work.
With all this added exercise, I want the time I use to be the most effective it can be, I concentrate on me, my breathing, and I push my muscles and heart to work hard. So that means the time I am not exercising I will take the time to be aware of my meals, my rest and my good parenting skills. I really believe that all this is making me a better parent!
I will tell you one thing though…I’m not sure what I’m more scared of, realizing how much food I snack on, 10 kilometres or 55 thousand people!
Week 6 Momified
There is something bothering me, and I need your help.
A few days ago a friend and I were talking about hair. My hair is very long and I mentioned that I got 3” taken off and because the style was the same no one would really even notice. She then mentioned that a mutual friend of ours did notice my new do via Facebook and noted that it was the first time I looked like a mom.
Hummm? Mom? First time? Is this good or bad? I’ve been a mom for almost 4 years for crying out loud! I want a more edgy haircut but want to wait until the end of this contest to do it… but do I want to look like a mom? And what the heck is a mom supposed to look like anyway?
I don’t consider myself the most fashionable, but I do think I know a few things about what not to wear. And other than my continual problem of finding pants and jeans that make my butt look like an empty potato sack I hope I do a pretty good job. Yes there are days I leave the house without a glance at the mirror, and yes there are days that I know I am wearing something that doesn’t make me feel good. But that doesn’t mean my ensemble is jeans with a 10” zipper in the crotch and a worn out sweat shirt with kittens on it. Somehow I don’t think “mom” is a prerequisite to bad taste.
Now my girlfriend, whom I know did not mention this with any bad intent, may simply have been implying that I am now grown up. I have rid myself of those crazy hair colours and fads that I thought were cool. But have I traded my glittery eye shadow for a more sophisticated look? Maybe looking like a mom is now the new fad? When I look for beauty now in a woman, I find a mother with her children holding herself together more attractive someone trying to ‘fit in’. A woman who is in calm while her child throws a fit in the middle of a store or one who works long days and comes home to spend a quality dinner with her family is beautiful to me.
When I receive a closet make over from Wear Else I am hoping they will have good things to say about my choices in wardrobe. But what I wear, and how I look are 2 different things. I could be wearing the most sexy, beautiful dress but if my day consisted of anger, frustration and fatigue, I have a feeling that I wouldn’t appear all that attractive. Mom or not.
Today was Sunday Brunch with high heels, white jeans (first day of spring I’m allowed to wear white!) and some jewelry. Friday it was runners black pants and my new Nike shirt to the grocery store. Both days I felt my best, just in a different suit. I bet you I looked like a mom both those days. The give away? I had both kids in tow!
So ladies, how do you feel about looking like a mom?
A few days ago a friend and I were talking about hair. My hair is very long and I mentioned that I got 3” taken off and because the style was the same no one would really even notice. She then mentioned that a mutual friend of ours did notice my new do via Facebook and noted that it was the first time I looked like a mom.
Hummm? Mom? First time? Is this good or bad? I’ve been a mom for almost 4 years for crying out loud! I want a more edgy haircut but want to wait until the end of this contest to do it… but do I want to look like a mom? And what the heck is a mom supposed to look like anyway?
Now my girlfriend, whom I know did not mention this with any bad intent, may simply have been implying that I am now grown up. I have rid myself of those crazy hair colours and fads that I thought were cool. But have I traded my glittery eye shadow for a more sophisticated look? Maybe looking like a mom is now the new fad? When I look for beauty now in a woman, I find a mother with her children holding herself together more attractive someone trying to ‘fit in’. A woman who is in calm while her child throws a fit in the middle of a store or one who works long days and comes home to spend a quality dinner with her family is beautiful to me.
When I receive a closet make over from Wear Else I am hoping they will have good things to say about my choices in wardrobe. But what I wear, and how I look are 2 different things. I could be wearing the most sexy, beautiful dress but if my day consisted of anger, frustration and fatigue, I have a feeling that I wouldn’t appear all that attractive. Mom or not.
Today was Sunday Brunch with high heels, white jeans (first day of spring I’m allowed to wear white!) and some jewelry. Friday it was runners black pants and my new Nike shirt to the grocery store. Both days I felt my best, just in a different suit. I bet you I looked like a mom both those days. The give away? I had both kids in tow!
So ladies, how do you feel about looking like a mom?
Week 5 Awww Nuts!
When is the best time to start a new exercise regime? How about the day after traveling 20 hours? Or maybe when the house is a construction zone? 7 am on a Sunday morning might sound good too. I know, it’s when the new Nike runners don’t match my jacket! Really, there is always going to be an excuse to not exercise. This morning I woke up and really wasn’t looking forward to working out at such an early time. I could have used any of the excuses above and if it weren’t for Tina from Fitness on the Go actually coming to my house, I would have had the motivation of a coconut to get out of bed.
This is one thing I’ve never been able to do… exercise at home. I’ve never liked it, I’ve never felt comfortable dancing in front of the TV and those ladies in leotards really don’t have any good feedback to offer me.
About 7 years ago I was at my most muscular and the lowest weight of my adult life, it was just before I was getting married and I worked out a lot. I was into it all… I went to the gym, I took Pilates, I lifted weights. But I had to force myself to do it! I did have some revolutionary moments at that time…. the most defining for me was seeing a nutritionist. Before starting that journey I knew very little about food….. I actually had to work at becoming thin, and pay attention to what I was eating. Well, I fell off that band wagon quickly after getting married and starting school. I got fat, I got pregnant, I got tired.
And after having my daughter I decided to try something radical.
I tried Capoeira!
The reason I started was because I thought it was too crazy for me. I expected to try one session of it and then quit, as it was out of my world, it was something that I could never do. But something happened…. I fell in love with it! The music, the fluidity and the concept gave me a spark that I never knew existed.
I told Tina my history as she made me repeatedly walk up and down the driveway like a sumo wrestler.(and yes, I felt like one too) I giggled as I explained that my husband will point out when I get testy, irritated and temperamental . We noticed that it happens mostly when I haven’t had the chance to attend class.
I had a small realization…
I used to work out because I was supposed to; I work out now because I need to.
I need it to keep my sanity and to keep my mind focused only on the task at hand. Never before have I felt like this, and never before have I wanted something just for me. I have passion now because I have found something I love to do and because I can release my tension and mind, my kids have a better mother and my husband has a better wife.
Then I had another small realization….
I hurt!
I couldn’t concentrate on anything else except for the strain on my muscles I had to endure for the next 30 minutes. Also that there really is no ‘good’ time to start a new exercise regime. It’s gonna be hard, it’s gonna hurt… but it’ll be sweet. Kinda like getting hit on the head with a coconut.
This is one thing I’ve never been able to do… exercise at home. I’ve never liked it, I’ve never felt comfortable dancing in front of the TV and those ladies in leotards really don’t have any good feedback to offer me.
About 7 years ago I was at my most muscular and the lowest weight of my adult life, it was just before I was getting married and I worked out a lot. I was into it all… I went to the gym, I took Pilates, I lifted weights. But I had to force myself to do it! I did have some revolutionary moments at that time…. the most defining for me was seeing a nutritionist. Before starting that journey I knew very little about food….. I actually had to work at becoming thin, and pay attention to what I was eating. Well, I fell off that band wagon quickly after getting married and starting school. I got fat, I got pregnant, I got tired.
And after having my daughter I decided to try something radical.
I tried Capoeira!
The reason I started was because I thought it was too crazy for me. I expected to try one session of it and then quit, as it was out of my world, it was something that I could never do. But something happened…. I fell in love with it! The music, the fluidity and the concept gave me a spark that I never knew existed.
I told Tina my history as she made me repeatedly walk up and down the driveway like a sumo wrestler.(and yes, I felt like one too) I giggled as I explained that my husband will point out when I get testy, irritated and temperamental . We noticed that it happens mostly when I haven’t had the chance to attend class.
I had a small realization…
I used to work out because I was supposed to; I work out now because I need to.
I need it to keep my sanity and to keep my mind focused only on the task at hand. Never before have I felt like this, and never before have I wanted something just for me. I have passion now because I have found something I love to do and because I can release my tension and mind, my kids have a better mother and my husband has a better wife.
Then I had another small realization….
I hurt!
I couldn’t concentrate on anything else except for the strain on my muscles I had to endure for the next 30 minutes. Also that there really is no ‘good’ time to start a new exercise regime. It’s gonna be hard, it’s gonna hurt… but it’ll be sweet. Kinda like getting hit on the head with a coconut.
Week 4 Vacation
I found out shortly after having my daughter that traveling is not what it used to be. The change in scenery was nice, but really my job was the same, just a new location. I still had to cook, clean, change diapers, feed my daughter, entertain, and do laundry. The problem was that I had to do all these things without my comforts of home which actually made my life MORE difficult, not less. I felt a little ripped off to tell you the truth; I felt like my husband could now lay back, sleep in, and do what he wanted to do while I scrubbed clothes in a small sink to remove mashed carrot stains.
So how did my vacations change from adventure, excitement and freedom to sitting in a small hotel room blinds closed, looking at my husband in frustration because we can’t move, can’t eat, can’t leave and can’t talk in fear we might wake the baby.
We haven’t taken a holiday since. Until now….
So this time as a family of 4 we travelled 17 hours to our destination. And I gave up. I gave up expectations, I gave up my watch, and I gave up trying to get everything done. And guess what? I completely enjoyed myself. I had just a couple of things I wanted to accomplish and then I got to sit back, relax and watch everyone else have fun.
Holidays bring a sense of refreshment, peace and thoughts of utter delusion. “Wow, why can’t I live here all the time? I don’t need to work. The house keeper will clean it all up right? Why can’t life be like this all the time? Yes, my kids are running around the restaurant but that’s fine isn’t it? I can eat all these deserts and feel great. Yes I will have another drink with my meal.”
I also had a chance to visit many times with a very dear girlfriend. We have only seen each other 2 times in the last 8 years yet I can rely on her like she is a sister. She makes my cry with happiness, makes me wanna pee my pants with laughter and ALWAYS wants to me to help her polish off a bottle of wine! Now you tell me, how is this supposed to help with my fitness goals?!
Well this holiday has been one of discovery for me. I’ve discovered that my kids act wonderful when there is no pressure to be out of the door by a certain time. I’ve discovered that my husband could swim all day in warm blue water and be truly happy. I’ve discovered that friends are good for my soul. I’ve also discovered that having Tina from Fitness on The Go come to my house the morning after arriving home is NOT, I repeat NOT a good idea!
We haven’t taken a holiday since. Until now….
So this time as a family of 4 we travelled 17 hours to our destination. And I gave up. I gave up expectations, I gave up my watch, and I gave up trying to get everything done. And guess what? I completely enjoyed myself. I had just a couple of things I wanted to accomplish and then I got to sit back, relax and watch everyone else have fun.
Holidays bring a sense of refreshment, peace and thoughts of utter delusion. “Wow, why can’t I live here all the time? I don’t need to work. The house keeper will clean it all up right? Why can’t life be like this all the time? Yes, my kids are running around the restaurant but that’s fine isn’t it? I can eat all these deserts and feel great. Yes I will have another drink with my meal.”
I also had a chance to visit many times with a very dear girlfriend. We have only seen each other 2 times in the last 8 years yet I can rely on her like she is a sister. She makes my cry with happiness, makes me wanna pee my pants with laughter and ALWAYS wants to me to help her polish off a bottle of wine! Now you tell me, how is this supposed to help with my fitness goals?!
Well this holiday has been one of discovery for me. I’ve discovered that my kids act wonderful when there is no pressure to be out of the door by a certain time. I’ve discovered that my husband could swim all day in warm blue water and be truly happy. I’ve discovered that friends are good for my soul. I’ve also discovered that having Tina from Fitness on The Go come to my house the morning after arriving home is NOT, I repeat NOT a good idea!
Week 3 Long Boobs
My daughter woke me from bed the other morning. We had a little chat; she was probably asking me if I like her pink shiny pyjamas with the hearts on them. She’s got nicer PJ’s than I do, I’m wearing old sweat pants and a maternity T-shirt. (Yes my son is now 20 months old) I swung my legs over the bed, I sit up and stare into her blue eyes, and she was looking over me as she caressed my shoulder. She strokes my hair and looks into my eyes “Mom, I’m going to have long boobs like you one day when I’m bigger”
Oh great! Not big, not perky, not small, not round, LONG! She said LONG! I’m thinking in my head I want to burst out laughing, I wanna say, ‘oh, great thanks C!” I mean really, the key word is so important here… long.
I don’t laugh, I don’t mention that it’s because I birthed 2 children and nursed them for a total of 3 years, I just say thank you and we carry on with our morning routine. Of course I’ve got a grin on my face and I’m giggling and I want to phone my 8:30 am girlfriend and tell her what C just said.
I know that I am not the only one who has insecurities about my body. As a teenager I resented my breasts, then it was my butt, and now that I’m a mother I really could lose the jelly around my belly. I really try to pay attention to my own insecurities with my daughter and purposefully not mention any of them around her. She doesn’t need to be worrying about her self esteem at 4; she just needs to be pure in her own way.
Picture this scenario…
You arrive at the beach. You are feeling pretty confident in you new bathing suit that can cover up everything it can without looking like you’re from the 1920s. You’ve got your beach bag, your kids, some toys and you lay out your things. You bravely take off your sun cover, suck it in a little more and sit down. You children go off to play a little and you watch them intently. Still feeling pretty good you start to take your eyes off the kids and let your mind wander. As you think about other things you notice that beautiful looking woman in the bikini.
She’s got a great tan.
Humm, how old is she?
Does she have kids?
I wonder if she works out?
She must, look at those arms.
I mean seriously she must be about 20 years old.
That bathing suit. I would wear that if….. blah blah blah.
Then you look to your right… there’s another one! She is a tall woman with dark hair, in a beach chair and a hat with a brim so big that shades her whole upper body. She is older, a few more wrinkles than you’d like, but dressed in luxurious jewels and clearly has no intent of going swimming.
She’s got too much of a tan.
She’s got to be at least what? 50?
Where are her kids?
How much money does she make?
I bet her husband is smoking a cigar and playing a round of golf, while she is here by the pool drinking her martini reading her Vogue.
Now all of the sudden I’m not feeling so hot any more. Wait, I mean, um you. You… aren’t feeling so hot any more. You grab your towel wrap it around your body, slouch as you let out that breath you’ve been holding for the last 5 minutes and give up on looking good with most of your skin showing. It’s not going to happen.
I really do feel good about myself most of the time. The best is after having an uninterrupted shower, drying my hair, putting on my makeup and walking out the door to meet girlfriends or a nice dinner with my husband. I want to have that feeling just last. Confidence, beauty, and a little bit of mystery. I’ve taken care of all my perceived faults and disguised them as perfection.
I definitely get more judgemental about myself after I see others. Why should I care? Who knows what insecurities they have? I know they have some preconception of me too, just based on a glance. That isn’t fair, but those strangers do it to me, and I do it to them.
I got up to 198lbs while I was pregnant with my daughter. I remember thinking “If I see that scale hit 200 I’m just going to die! How am I ever going to get rid of all this weight?” Like the 2 pound difference was the deciding factor if I would remain fat forever or become a healthy woman again. At that point I barely lifted a finger my whole pregnancy. To tell you the truth, I was scared to do anything. I just wanted to sit, watch my belly grow and have a baby. Simple as that.
After having C, I lost many of my old friends, and became friends with of new ones that coincidentally had new babies too! (Yes, that is my sarcasm you are detecting) We would sit, brag about our baby’s smiles, giggles, and poop. We would complain about sleep, our bodies and poop. I hate to say this… but I would judge those ladies. After having a baby only 6 weeks prior, some of those women would complain about their boobs, bellies or whatever and I would sit there and thinking that I couldn’t even imagine a body like that before having kids! Their banter would irritate me and I’d put a smile on my face take, a sip of my coffee and mumble under my breath. I would pretend that I needed to change my baby’s diaper so that I could leave the discussion.
During my pregnancy with my son I didn’t gain much weight, I was very active and I bounced back fairly quickly to my regular weight…but I was a different shape once again. It dawned on me, those women who had a body like a goddess did have something to complain about. They had changed just like I did. They had to adjust to bad backs, sore hips, saggy bellies and breasts getting bigger and then ultimately deflating.
So when C admires something, I will let her. I will let her decide what she thinks is beautiful and what she wants to be like when she is bigger. She will inevitably find something she doesn’t like about herself, until then, let her see all things beautiful….. even long breasts.
Week 2 The Olympics
I’ve been a little blasé about the 2010 Olympics coming to Vancouver but as time has ticked on, I’m a little upset with myself that I couldn’t have been more excited from the beginning. It was opening ceremonies tonight, and because my rabbit ears didn’t pick up the Official Olympic channel we decided to watch it live on the computer. My whole family was snuggled on the couch watching a small screen as athletes poured into the stadium. Teams of over 150, and teams of just 1, and I sat there trying to imagine what they must be feeling. Goals of winning, goals of doing their best, fear of defeat, a deep sense of pride, a sense of pressure, stress and joy all at the same time. The voices from entertainers, the power of the speakers’ words, the thrill of so many countries coming together in the name of friendly competition… it was really inspiring to me. As I sat there I peered at my daughter and I hope too that she felt some amazement in the whole event.
I remember very clearly about 10 years ago, sitting with my boyfriend at the Starbucks on Broadway at Heather watching life pass by. (Ok, maybe my mind isn’t so clear because he swears it wasn’t him … I must have been with a girlfriend) A bus drove past with an advertisement on the side which read ‘Vancouver Bidding for 2010”. Now I know what chair I was in, I know what direction the bus was going, I even know what the weather was like… and I said “Wonder what we’ll be doing in 2010?” Apparently I just don’t remember who I said it to!
2010. It is here, and this is what I am doing…
I’ve got a husband (previously the boyfriend from Starbucks) 2 young children, a dog and a car that stalls not often, but at any given time. My titles over those years include a Hairdresser, a Make up artist, a Student, a Wife, a Mother, a Volunteer and an Office Manager, and that’s only the ones that I can remember. We’ve lived in 6 different cities. I admittedly like Coronation Street and I love the Tudor’s series. If I could have more hours in a day I would knit, sew, exercise and/or read. I would love to walk The Camino de Santiago trail, know how to compost, make home grown smoked tomato salsa, take better photos, and ride a motorcycle. Oh ya, and I love long walks on the beach.
Like all those athletes, I too have ambitions. Mine may seem simple, but may be no easier to complete. I deserve at least a gold coin, for getting out the door on time with a child in a clean diaper, wearing both shoes, a clean shirt and a diaper bag prepared for the worst of scenarios! Do you think I could round up some cheers on the side lines as I carry a hot meal in one hand on my Olympic relay from kitchen stove to the dining room table? All the training in the world could not have prepared me to be a Mother; I thought I was going to be a natural. But this task aint easy! And not only am I supposed to do all that mothering stuff, but I’m supposed to be a wife, a worker, AND take care of myself?!
Well my mental state is shifting, I can see the starting line, and only a little time until I meet up with my Fitness on the Go trainer Tina! Until then, I’m going to think about my health goals, get in the competitive spirit and figure out where the last 10 years went!
Week 1 Shoulda
So, at this current moment I have a list of things I should be doing:
1. grocery shopping
2. laundry
4. cleaning toys off the floor
5. unpacking
6. returning phone calls
7. finishing commitments that I made to others
8. getting some sleep!
Maybe, but probably not.
Why is it that I am constantly thinking that I should be doing something else? Even this morning I caught a ride in with my husband to work… I honestly thought, I could be writing this on his laptop while he drives. I mean, why sit and be idle when I could be productive?
Don’t get me wrong I sit on my butt too, especially around 3pm when the kids are napping and I can make in a good cuppa coffee. Not only can I make it, I can also enjoy every hot sip of goodness in peace. This is my time of the day, I can sit and vegetate in silence, watch some TV, or catch up with friends. Take my kids naps away, and I’m not so happy! I really look forward to this … calm. Even with this little break, I struggle to sit still. My to do list is constantly running though my mind like one of those signs in front of lotto booth. Mostly the words are just passing by, and then all of the sudden one word just comes up brighter and bolder and blinks, blinks, blinks until you notice. Then I think “S%$@, I forgot to (insert an random task here)” I go to jump up outta my chair. I stop and say no, this can wait 5 more minutes till my coffee is done!
1. grocery shopping
2. laundry
3. office work
4. cleaning toys off the floor
5. unpacking
6. returning phone calls
7. finishing commitments that I made to others
8. getting some sleep!
I guess the key word here is ‘should’ Does that mean I have more important things to be doing that what I am doing right now? Does that mean what I want to be doing is less important that what ‘should’? Does that mean I can’t take some time for myself with out feeling guilt? It’s Friday night, as I write this my husband is sitting down watching TV. He works hard, he runs a business and I’m sure he has many thoughts on his mind that probably never cross mine. But… is he thinking that he ‘should’ be doing something else right now?
Don’t get me wrong I sit on my butt too, especially around 3pm when the kids are napping and I can make in a good cuppa coffee. Not only can I make it, I can also enjoy every hot sip of goodness in peace. This is my time of the day, I can sit and vegetate in silence, watch some TV, or catch up with friends. Take my kids naps away, and I’m not so happy! I really look forward to this … calm. Even with this little break, I struggle to sit still. My to do list is constantly running though my mind like one of those signs in front of lotto booth. Mostly the words are just passing by, and then all of the sudden one word just comes up brighter and bolder and blinks, blinks, blinks until you notice. Then I think “S%$@, I forgot to (insert an random task here)” I go to jump up outta my chair. I stop and say no, this can wait 5 more minutes till my coffee is done!Now here I am, presented with this prize, gift, and opportunity! Urban Mommies, Fitness on the Go and others have made it a goal of theirs to let me focus on me! When I found out I had won, I got all giddy and I danced and giggled all around my kitchen. Then shortly after I thought, why did I win? There are many others out there that may have needed this more than I? Wasn’t I already taking care of myself? I thought my life was already going pretty good.
I met the other finalists this week at the Nike store when we had our photo shoot by Bopomo. In that brief time, they seem like wonderful women who also have jobs, ideas, incentives and aspirations.(and of course they have children!) I would like to get to know them better…. but it’s not going to be through their blogs. I have a feeling that if I read their ups and downs, that it may impair my ability to make this journey my own.
There are 3 friends that I talk to on a regular basis(1 so regular it’s expected that my phone will ring at 8:30 every weekday morning) I am going write this as if I am talking to one of those women. I will be as open with my feelings, my frustrations, and my perks of this adventure. This really ‘should’ be about me, about improving myself, my mind and my body, and in turn hopefully inspiring 1 or 2 women, mothers or wives out there!
Welcome!
I am so excited to be starting this blog! I am inspired often to vent my thoughts and haven't known how to until recently. In the new year I won a contest which was the begining of a whole new adventure for me... read my weekly posts and see how I faired. post comments, ask questions and let me know how you feel. I am hoping along the way of trying new things, food and exercise that I will inspire a few to get up and get moving and try something new!
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