Week 1 Shoulda

So, at this current moment I have a list of things I should be doing:


1. grocery shopping

2. laundry

3. office work

4. cleaning toys off the floor

5. unpacking

6. returning phone calls

7. finishing commitments that I made to others

8. getting some sleep!

I guess the key word here is ‘should’ Does that mean I have more important things to be doing that what I am doing right now? Does that mean what I want to be doing is less important that what ‘should’? Does that mean I can’t take some time for myself with out feeling guilt? It’s Friday night, as I write this my husband is sitting down watching TV. He works hard, he runs a business and I’m sure he has many thoughts on his mind that probably never cross mine. But… is he thinking that he ‘should’ be doing something else right now?

Maybe, but probably not.

Why is it that I am constantly thinking that I should be doing something else? Even this morning I caught a ride in with my husband to work… I honestly thought, I could be writing this on his laptop while he drives. I mean, why sit and be idle when I could be productive?

Don’t get me wrong I sit on my butt too, especially around 3pm when the kids are napping and I can make in a good cuppa coffee. Not only can I make it, I can also enjoy every hot sip of goodness in peace. This is my time of the day, I can sit and vegetate in silence, watch some TV, or catch up with friends. Take my kids naps away, and I’m not so happy! I really look forward to this … calm. Even with this little break, I struggle to sit still. My to do list is constantly running though my mind like one of those signs in front of lotto booth. Mostly the words are just passing by, and then all of the sudden one word just comes up brighter and bolder and blinks, blinks, blinks until you notice. Then I think “S%$@, I forgot to (insert an random task here)” I go to jump up outta my chair. I stop and say no, this can wait 5 more minutes till my coffee is done!

Now here I am, presented with this prize, gift, and opportunity! Urban Mommies, Fitness on the Go and others have made it a goal of theirs to let me focus on me! When I found out I had won, I got all giddy and I danced and giggled all around my kitchen. Then shortly after I thought, why did I win? There are many others out there that may have needed this more than I? Wasn’t I already taking care of myself? I thought my life was already going pretty good.

I met the other finalists this week at the Nike store when we had our photo shoot by Bopomo. In that brief time, they seem like wonderful women who also have jobs, ideas, incentives and aspirations.(and of course they have children!) I would like to get to know them better…. but it’s not going to be through their blogs. I have a feeling that if I read their ups and downs, that it may impair my ability to make this journey my own.

There are 3 friends that I talk to on a regular basis(1 so regular it’s expected that my phone will ring at 8:30 every weekday morning) I am going write this as if I am talking to one of those women. I will be as open with my feelings, my frustrations, and my perks of this adventure. This really ‘should’ be about me, about improving myself, my mind and my body, and in turn hopefully inspiring 1 or 2 women, mothers or wives out there!